As this summer gets a little steamier what about heating up your sex life too?
Humans have an abundant ability to experience sensations in our bodies, which is a magical and special gift to enjoy! We naturally desire human touch where there is an exchange of positive energy and connection. This feeling of vibrancy through touch and sexuality can be fueled by ourselves or by others with creativity and playfulness. When this fire is fueled we can open to more desire, positive tension, and eventually a release. When we have orgasms, our nervous system relaxes, and we even produce a “bonding” hormone called Oxytocin.
When we have a positive libido and desire for sexual experience, with ourselves or with a partner, we can feel our vitality pulsing through us and stimulating our energetic juices.
Unfortunately, many people, both men and women experience a decline in their sexual desire which can often be complicated and multifactorial.
Some reasons for a declining libido include but are not limited to; lack of intimacy, lack of energy or motivation, chronic inflammation and disease, neurotransmitter imbalances, relationship challenges, no sexual partner, trauma, high stress and changing hormones (declining Estrogen, Testosterone and DHEA for women and Testosterone and DHEA for men).
I feel it is important for each person to look at all the pieces that could be causing an imbalance in your life and work to correct those imbalances for optimal health and an optimal sex life.
Here are a few ideas for you to stimulate your sexual desire, libido and sexual health.
First, work to reduce your stress! If you are stressed, you are shutting down your energetic flow and increasing the sympathetic nervous system stimulation which is a recipe for disaster in the bedroom. Breath work can improve the energetic flow which is why some people believe in the Tantric teachings. Using your breath can increase blood flow and energy at the same time of releasing stress. I also strongly recommend Yoga, meditation and relaxation techniques as additional tools in this area.
If you are having relationship stress that is affecting your desire, consider seeking a couple’s therapist to help get you back in alignment. The Intimacy Institute is a great resource in Boulder.
For women- having a strong pelvic floor is critical for pleasure. There are plenty of online tools or consider seeing a specialist for ideas and support. One place I recommend is The Pelvic Therapy Specialists in Boulder.
Vaginal pain will cause women to close down energetically and not desire intercourse as a result and therefore should not be tolerated. Menopausal and Postmenopausal women particularly have atrophy of the vaginal tissue that can cause discomfort.
Ideas for lubrication include nut oils, personal favorite is coconut or Foria Awaken which is CBD oil.
I also regularly recommend hyaluronic acid such as HyaloGyn but I am not happy it has propylene glycol and so I can compound hyaluronic acid vaginal gel instead.
Compounded vaginal estrogen cream or with added DHEA and Testosterone (all compounded medications would require an appointment)
Laser therapy for tissue rejuvenation- Mona Lisa (and I am keeping my eye on the effects of stem cells too)
Consider a beautiful Venus Mat to protect a surface area or your bed sheets and provide you a layer of security so that you can embrace all fluids in luxury. Please see link below.
*A shut down root chakra can inhibit energetic flow affecting desire and sexual expression- we need to feel safe and grounded for full expression- if you feel stuck in this area and meditation and breath work doesn’t help, you may need to seek a psychotherapist, a trauma therapist or an energy healer to help you reconnect with this area
Having a healthy sexual response to the Vagina or Penis is dependent upon Nitric Oxide N.O. release. N.O. causes vasodilation which increases blood flow to the area. Both men and women need this blood flow for a healthy sexual response. You can increase N.O. release with L-Arginine as a supplement. Both men and women can find support with this supplement, but I find it more useful for men and their erections (do not take if you have the Herpes Virus) The product ArginMax has great benefits to many- it contains Panax Ginseng, L-Arginine, and Ginkgo.
I frequently prescribe a topical vaginal compounded cream called “Scream Cream” to my female patients since L-Arginine is the primary component which increases blood flow locally to the area. Feel free to make an appointment if you want to explore this option
Other tools to improve N.O. are hormones; Testosterone, DHEA, Estrogen and herbals listed below.
Evaluating hormones for both men and women are critical in supporting a healthy libido. I do both blood and saliva testing for hormones in my practice
Boosting Testosterone production naturally is achieved with lifting weights and doing repetition training, such as lower leg squats – 15 squats in a set of 3 reps while breathing deeply to get that blood flowing.
Below are a few herbs that have been studied and reported effective in supporting a healthy sexual response and libido.
Mario Dell'Agli, a researcher at the University of Milan, has found that icariin has the potential for blocking an erection-inhibiting enzyme similar to Viagra which works by increasing blood flow to the genitals. The medicines inhibit an enzyme called phosphodiesterase type 5. Because icariin also targets the enzyme, it may have fewer side effects than Viagra, according to Mario Dell'Agli.
Doses range from 5 grams= 1 tsp- once per week up to 3x/day
*Both of these herbs are available online from Herbal Island but have a challenging taste so you may prefer to find in capsules
Panax Ginseng for average of 200mg (ranges 100-600mg studied) – Works on N.O. - this can be stimulating so use with caution
Gingko and Ashwagandha
these have also been reported to be helpful for a healthy libido
I hope that these recommendations can be useful for you in finding that zest you may be needing around sexual pleasure.
Often, I tell people to “just do it”! Even if you don’t feel physically stimulated on your own once you start engaging in the thought and then the activity you can find yourself enjoying it and desiring more of it as a result. You can plan it, flirt about it in the day, set a date (with yourself or your partner) and build into that energetic tension throughout the day. Remember we all desire human touch and deserve pleasure so remember to ask for what you desire and take pleasure in the process!
To life, health and a steamy summer!